My experience with this particular practice of Loving Kindness was; strange to me. I started to feel chills going through my body just thinking about my children. Focusing on myself I felt happy to think about the good but then to ponder on my past made me uncomfortable and I became antsy. I then went into the thoughts of awareness which I was able to deal with better because it is the reality that I am presently living with but I have somewhat control in the situation. In taking in feeling towards enemies I could not concentrate well because I have not been able to let go of some of the hurt that I have endured within the last few years but that will come once I have come to terms with it, and I know I still have work to do. In all this exercise gave me a great deal of food for thought in the aspect of me still not being able to let go of things so that I may progress in mind and spirit.
As to mental workout, you this exercise really teaches you that you need to keep focus and increase the length of the workout by increments of at least 5-10 minutes because if you do not stager your time it begins to get boring (per my children). Implementing this workout helps you gain a calm and tranquil way about you which is kind of strange to me because it does not allow me to get frustrated or angry.
JaeC
I enjoyed reading you post. Sounds like to me you just need to put in more time practicing meditation. I heard you speak of control. In spiritual practice you let that control go. Just be. Try counting your in and out breath when you are meditating and when thoughts come in don't try and figure them out, put them in a category or block them. Let them come and give them no attention and they will dissapate. I really enjoyed the exercises and I know that they do help. You sound like this type of work would be very helpful to you. It will help you to calm down and look at a bigger picture.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing how difficult it is to let go of people who hurt you. I agree. I just did my best to send love to those people, but it gave me a reality of how I need to work on forgiveness. It also makes me see how I am still effected by these instances. I have to remind myself that forgiving is for my benefit!
ReplyDeleteHi JaeC,
ReplyDeleteIt is good to be as open and honest about each exercise experience we have even if it doesn't seem to be your cup of tea so to speak. I think like anything, it takes practice or just trying to relax the business of our thoughts to let a new portion of it seep in everyday. Trying several different exercises more than once could possibly, over time, help you decide that you really can enjoy the peacefulness and the energy it can provide to you.
Having control in our lives is very important, I can understand that desire and respect it. All too often we give to much control to other things or people and that doesn't feel good at all. Taking the control back by not letting the past or people take one more second of your thoughts feels so good though (really, from personal experience I can say that), maybe during the portions of the exercises that make you tense or feel uncomfortable to think about your past or other people that have hurt you, try to use the exercise to take back that control, breathe it away and say you cannot have one more second of my mind and let it drift away with your breath...breathe in your control and breathe out any thoughts of past, it is not who, what, or where you are today and it doesn't have to define your tomorrow, it's gone....
If you try using the exercise take in that way...maybe you can find that no matter what the exercise is ultimately trying to do, you can find peace within and use it to clear your heart, mind, and spirit so you can heal and learn and grow for a more loving, peaceful, and healthy life.
Hi JaeC,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your confessions and experiences with this weeks assignment. You should try to relax more and focus and center your mind on the task at hand. It sounds like you are having new and wonderful experiences to exercises you are not accustom too doing, don't worry this is a normal process in your growth and evolution to healing.
Hey Jae,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your blog this week and was able to relate to your experience with the exercise. When I was contemplating on my ownself I felt uncomfortable thinking of the things I have experienced in the past. However, I am glad that I was able to meditate on these things because it made me aware that this part of my life still needed work on
JaeC,
ReplyDeleteI agree totally with your statements about building up the length of time given to these exercises. Its just like a non-runner a=shouldn't attempt to run a marathon immediately; you must build up to that point otherwise you'll never last. It is strange how it brings up old feelings though, and it is important to work through them if you have not dealt with them yet :)
Mis Amigos,
ReplyDeleteThanks for all your imput I really appreciate them. To be able to hear from others about the dilemmas of trying to acheive loving kindness, it helps me have others direction on how to come to that achievement...:-)
Thanks